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I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. more / comment…
Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open. (h/t Paul F. Taylor) more / comment…
I don’t want to say we eat out a lot, but I’ve noticed that lately when I call my kids for dinner, they run to the car. more / comment…
How many Columbians does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan. more / comment…
I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying. more / comment…
I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them. more / comment…
I went to Barnes & Noble and asked the woman for a book about turtles, she said “Hardback?” and I was like, “Yeah and little heads.” (h/t Mark Simmons) more / comment…
Due to the state of the economy, profiteroles will now be called deficiteroles. more / comment…
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. more / comment…
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it. more / comment…
A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. more / comment…
What do you call a taciturn policeman guarding an ancient Egyptian Christian catacomb? A cryptic cop in a Coptic crypt. more / comment…