ba-dum
tss
sad trom-
bone
Click either one
as need­ed
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Tur­tle. Strange name but she tor­toise well. (h/t Lewis Car­roll, sort of) more / comment…
Sym­pa­thy for a lit­tle girl named Car­men Cohen. Her moth­er called her Car­men but her father, for rea­sons nev­er ade­quate­ly explained, called her Cohen. By the time she was eight she didn’t know whether she was Car­men or Cohen. more / comment…
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bot­tle of ton­ic water. Schwepped her off her feet. more / comment…
I gave all my dead bat­ter­ies away today. Free of charge. more / comment…
A sweater I bought was pick­ing up sta­t­ic elec­tric­i­ty, so I returned it to the store. They gave me anoth­er one free of charge. more / comment…
I refused to believe my road work­er father was steal­ing from his job… But when I got home all the signs were there. more / comment…
I thought I saw a fly­ing Ger­man sausage, but it turned out to be a seabird. I took a tern for the wurst. more / comment…
Three weeks ago I sent my hear­ing aids in for repair. I’ve heard noth­ing since. more / comment…
Did you know there’s no offi­cial train­ing for a garbage col­lec­tor? They just pick it up as they go. more / comment…
It didn’t work out employ­ing ex-marines in the fac­to­ry. The jar­heads turned out to be bot­tle­necks. (h/t rms) more / comment…
What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for com­fort food. more / comment…
I asked the doc­tor if I could admin­is­ter my own anaes­thet­ic. He said “Go ahead, knock your­self out.” more / comment…