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My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle. Strange name but she tortoise well. (h/t Lewis Carroll, sort of) more / comment…
Sympathy for a little girl named Carmen Cohen. Her mother called her Carmen but her father, for reasons never adequately explained, called her Cohen. By the time she was eight she didn’t know whether she was Carmen or Cohen. more / comment…
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet. more / comment…
I gave all my dead batteries away today. Free of charge. more / comment…
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge. more / comment…
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job… But when I got home all the signs were there. more / comment…
I thought I saw a flying German sausage, but it turned out to be a seabird. I took a tern for the wurst. more / comment…
Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair. I’ve heard nothing since. more / comment…
Did you know there’s no official training for a garbage collector? They just pick it up as they go. more / comment…
It didn’t work out employing ex-marines in the factory. The jarheads turned out to be bottlenecks. (h/t rms) more / comment…
What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food. more / comment…
I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anaesthetic. He said “Go ahead, knock yourself out.” more / comment…