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Where do whales go when they need braces? An orca-don­tist. more / comment…
On week­ends, I like to play chess with elder­ly men in the park. But it’s becom­ing increas­ing­ly hard­er to find exact­ly 32 of them. more / comment…
Please don’t wear odd and obscure per­fumes and colognes. Com­mon scents, peo­ple! more / comment…
If you haven’t heard the leg­end of the medieval Japan­ese war­riors… allow me to Samu­rais it for you. more / comment…
“Does this uni­form make me look fat?” — Inse­cu­ri­ty guard more / comment…
I’ve heard that head injuries can cause mem­o­ry loss, but I still don’t wear a bike hel­met. I don’t even remem­ber the last time I fell off my bike. more / comment…
Heard about the new self-help group for peo­ple who talk too much? On and on anon. more / comment…
Stopped by a road­side stand that said lob­ster tails $2. I pay the guy my $2 and he says, “Once upon a time there was this lob­ster…” more / comment…
I’m going to start col­lect­ing high­lighters. Mark my words. more / comment…
I’m at JFK and the man in front of me has just col­lapsed on the lug­gage carousel. He’s com­ing round slow­ly. more / comment…
We’ve got the cheap­est brake repairs in town. Once you start com­ing here, you won’t be able to stop. more / comment…
I won a con­test at the state fair for grow­ing the biggest pick­le. It was kind of a big dill. more / comment…