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I once entered the world klep­to­ma­ni­ac cham­pi­onships. I took gold, sil­ver, and bronze. more / comment…
Keanu Reeves and I are good friends. Just not with each oth­er. more / comment…
Jeff, a semi­colon, and an Oxford com­ma walk into a bar. They both have a great time. more / comment…
The Lord of the Rings offi­cial pin­ball machine doesn’t take quar­ters. Only Tolkiens. more / comment…
–”Hey, look at that flock of cows!” —”Herd.” –”What?” —”Herd of cows.” –”Of course I’ve heard of cows, there’s a flock of them right there!” more / comment…
Know what you call a defi­ant kid who doesn’t believe in Saint Nick? Rebel with­out a Claus. more / comment…
Thought I heard some­one say “Hel­lo” in Ara­bic. But it was a false Salaam. more / comment…
I went to the paint store to get thin­ner. It didn’t work. more / comment…
Chi­nese take out: 8 dol­lars. Tip: 1 dol­lar. Get­ting home to find out they for­got part of your order: Rice­less. more / comment…
I don’t hold grudges. My dad held grudges… I hat­ed him for that. more / comment…
Sam and Ella walk into a bar. The bar gets shut down by the health depart­ment. more / comment…
This year’s Fibonac­ci Con­ven­tion was a great suc­cess. It was as big as the last two com­bined. more / comment…