ba-dum
tss
sad trom-
bone
Click either one
as need­ed
Just had an offi­cer at the door say­ing he was look­ing for a man with one eye. Told him he’d prob­a­bly find him a lot quick­er if he used both. more / comment…
Mon­day is Jamaican Day at work. I’m dread­ing it. more / comment…
I have a jar where I put in a quar­ter every time I have a neg­a­tive thought. It’s half emp­ty. more / comment…
In the old days, exces­sive use of com­mas was con­sid­ered a seri­ous crime. It usu­al­ly result­ed in a long sen­tence. (h/t Nathaniel Moore) more / comment…
When I was a kid, my moth­er told me I could be any­one I want­ed to be. Turns out, iden­ti­ty theft is a crime. more / comment…
A truck car­ry­ing toupees jack­nifed on the high­way, scat­ter­ing its car­go. Police are comb­ing the area. more / comment…
A new strain of head lice has appeared that is resis­tant to con­ven­tion­al treat­ments. This has left sci­en­tists scratch­ing their heads. more / comment…
The chiropractor’s to-do list: 1. Get back to work. more / comment…
What do you call big black birds that stick togeth­er? Vel­crows. more / comment…
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi! more / comment…
You know how some ancient tombs have mon­ey or valu­ables buried with their inhab­i­tants? That’s the first cryp­tocur­ren­cy. more / comment…
I had mono in col­lege. Went to the doc­tor today with sim­i­lar symp­toms but twice as bad… Turns out I have stereo. more / comment…