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My friend is quite the inven­tor. He’s man­aged to cre­ate a light­bulb pow­ered only by word­plays. Now he’s got a sock­et full of pun­shine. more / comment…
To the per­son who stole my place in line: I’m after you now. more / comment…
It’s against the rules for NFL play­ers to own a duck. It’s a per­son­al fowl. more / comment…
My dyslex­ia has reached a new owl. more / comment…
Pro­fes­sion­al mir­ror pho­tog­ra­phy. It’s a job I could real­ly see myself doing. more / comment…
I real­ly love my fur­ni­ture. My reclin­er and I go way back. more / comment…
Ever used WD40 to get rid of mice? It doesn’t work, but it does stop them squeak­ing. more / comment…
My ex-girl­friend just told me she wants us to get back togeth­er again. Man, I sure am lucky! I mean, first I win the lot­tery and now this! more / comment…
I keep call­ing my wife Delilah even though her name is Delia. I keep call­ing our lawn “the green, green grass of home.” And worst of all, every time I see a cat, I can’t help but ask, “What’s new, pussy­cat?” It turns out I have Tom Jones Syn­drome. My doc­tor says it’s not unusu­al. more / comment…
Know who Old Mac­Don­ald called on to pro­tect his farm? GI-GI-Joe. more / comment…
We start­ed a band and called it “Books.” So no one can judge us by our cov­ers. more / comment…
Called in blind today. Just couldn’t see myself going to work. more / comment…