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as need­ed
I want to open a sand­wich shop called Sal­vador Deli. We’ll spe­cial­ize in melts. more / com­ment…
Where do sheep get their hair­cut? The baa-baa shop. more / com­ment…
When the drum­mer re-record­ed his drum solo… there were reper­cus­sions. more / com­ment…
Two women were shar­ing the same ID card. Sharon is Karen. more / com­ment…
I saw a cou­ple of boys on my street steal­ing a gate. I didn’t say any­thing in case they took a fence. more / com­ment…
Has any­one been to Engage­ment, Ohio? It’s a lit­tle place between Day­ton and Mar­i­on. more / com­ment…
Big­foot is some­times con­fused with Sasquatch, Yeti nev­er com­plains. more / com­ment…
To the per­son who stole my bro­ken bath­room scale: You won’t get a weigh with this! more / com­ment…
I told my ther­a­pist, “Last night I had a night­mare that I was fight­ing Jason Bourne and Will Hunt­ing at the same time.” She replied, “I’m glad that you are final­ly bat­tling your Damons.” more / com­ment…
I was fired from the key­board fac­to­ry yes­ter­day. They said I was­n’t putting in enough shifts. more / com­ment…
Why are police­men in Lon­don so tall? Because they’re paid by the Yard. more / com­ment…
They had to fire the new guy at the orange juice fac­to­ry. He couldn’t con­cen­trate. (h/t Mon­ty Solomon) more / com­ment…