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Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye. Told him he’d probably find him a lot quicker if he used both. more / comment…
Monday is Jamaican Day at work. I’m dreading it. more / comment…
I have a jar where I put in a quarter every time I have a negative thought. It’s half empty. more / comment…
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered a serious crime. It usually resulted in a long sentence. (h/t Nathaniel Moore) more / comment…
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime. more / comment…
A truck carrying toupees jacknifed on the highway, scattering its cargo. Police are combing the area. more / comment…
A new strain of head lice has appeared that is resistant to conventional treatments. This has left scientists scratching their heads. more / comment…
The chiropractor’s to-do list: 1. Get back to work. more / comment…
What do you call big black birds that stick together? Velcrows. more / comment…
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi! more / comment…
You know how some ancient tombs have money or valuables buried with their inhabitants? That’s the first cryptocurrency. more / comment…
I had mono in college. Went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but twice as bad… Turns out I have stereo. more / comment…