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I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions. Oh well, hindsight is 1. more / comment…
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity. Desperate survivors fight for survival in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland. more / comment…
My friends don’t know that I’m actually the shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief. I keep it Loki. more / comment…
I recently indentured myself to a dolphin. It’s hard work, but at least I serve a porpoise. more / comment…
Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually… more / comment…
My wife composes songs about sewing machines. She’s a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams. more / comment…
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is improving. more / comment…
Bet you can’t name two crustaceans that are only found in London. Here they are: Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean. more / comment…
My son said: “Dad, once I reach 99 pounds, I will eat one pound of nachos. Then I will be 99% your son and 1% nacho son.” more / comment…
What’s the difference between Gordon Ramsay’s favorite dish and a slow-running computer? One is a rack of lamb and the other is a lack of RAM. more / comment…
Know what you call a fear of giants? Feefiphobia. more / comment…
I’m never sure if I like rocking chairs or not. I go back and forth on them. more / comment…