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as need­ed
Red sky at night: sailor’s delight. Blue sky at night: day. (h/t Tom Par­ry) more / comment…
I hate sit­ting in traf­fic, because I always get run over. (h/t Mil­ton Jones) more / comment…
I have two boys, 8 and 9. We’re no good at nam­ing things in our house. (h/t Ed Byrne) more / comment…
My dad always used to say “Out with the old, in with the new.” Love­ly man, ter­ri­ble antiques deal­er. more / comment…
What did the rev­o­lu­tion­ary bread tell the oth­er breads? “We have to rise up, my brea­d­ren!” more / comment…
What do you call a paper air­plane that doesn’t fly? Sta­tionery. more / comment…
Couldn’t under­stand why my dog was total­ly motion­less… Then I real­ized, it was on paws. more / comment…
What is made of cheese and found in Scot­land? The Loch Ness Muen­ster. more / comment…
Den­tists always ask dumb ques­tions like “When’s the last time you flossed?” Like bro, you were there! more / comment…
I thought I saw Michael J. Fox at my local gar­den cen­ter. I’m not sure if it was him, though, as he had his back to the fuch­sias. more / comment…
My biggest tal­ent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present. It’s a gift. more / comment…
Did you hear about the mechan­ic who fell asleep under the car? He woke up oily in the morn­ing. more / comment…