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I think my wife is leav­ing me because of my obses­sion with sim­pli­fy­ing frac­tions. Oh well, hind­sight is 1. more / com­ment…
Movie pitch: A pan­dem­ic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Glob­al chaos ensues as the dis­ease wipes out 99% of human­i­ty. Des­per­ate sur­vivors fight for sur­vival in a post-alpaca lip tick waste­land. more / com­ment…
My friends don’t know that I’m actu­al­ly the shape-shift­ing Norse god of may­hem and mis­chief. I keep it Loki. more / com­ment…
I recent­ly inden­tured myself to a dol­phin. It’s hard work, but at least I serve a por­poise. more / com­ment…
Where do mansplain­ers get their water? From a well, actu­al­ly… more / com­ment…
My wife com­pos­es songs about sewing machines. She’s a Singer song­writer, or sew it seams. more / com­ment…
My ex-wife still miss­es me. But her aim is improv­ing. more / com­ment…
Bet you can’t name two crus­taceans that are only found in Lon­don. Here they are: Kings Crus­tacean and Char­ing Crus­tacean. more / com­ment…
My son said: “Dad, once I reach 99 pounds, I will eat one pound of nachos. Then I will be 99% your son and 1% nacho son.” more / com­ment…
What’s the dif­fer­ence between Gor­don Ramsay’s favorite dish and a slow-run­ning com­put­er? One is a rack of lamb and the oth­er is a lack of RAM. more / com­ment…
Know what you call a fear of giants? Feefi­pho­bia. more / com­ment…
I’m nev­er sure if I like rock­ing chairs or not. I go back and forth on them. more / com­ment…