One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid was deported. Now we don’t have Oleg to stand on.
I caught my son in our greenhouse playing frisbee with my old Mick Jagger album. I told him people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
You know that song the BeeGees wrote about departing from an apiary? I’m a Bee Leaver…
Today I learned the origin language for the word “mucus.” It’s Phlegmish.
Finding morels requires diligence and perfect timing. There isn’t mushroom for error.
Know what keeps sheep up at night? Knowing that so many people are counting on them.
What’s the headless horseman’s favorite coffee? De-cappuccino.
“Hey Dad, can you tell me the Japanese word for a ninja throwing star?” “Sure I can.”
I don’t want to read a long book about rock climbing. Can you just give me the cliff notes?
I dated a girl. She was from the Bronze age.
My wife and I let astrology come between us. It Taurus apart.
What does a dog call his territory? IP address.
85% of Americans don’t know how to do basic math. Thank goodness I’m part of the other 25%.
In the windstorm last night I lost 1/4 of my roof. Oof.
How does a mathemagician disappear? He goes “Proof!”
Elton John’s e‑reader was swept up in a tornado. Like a Kindle in the wind.
Know why the pirate didn’t take a shower before walking the plank? Figured he’d just wash up on shore.
I aced all of my courses except for Greek Mythology. That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
What do bees do when they move to a new hive? They throw a house swarming party.
Lawmakers are considering legislation setting a minimum drinking age for soda. It’s seven up.