I found a recipe from Moroc­co for home­made din­ner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was dried. I used it any­way. You know, as I rem­i­nisce, I real­ly like that old thyme Moroc­can roll.

Did you hear about the town that legal­ized pot but banned alco­hol? The res­i­dents were left high and dry.

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe? I’m not Joe King, he is.

— “Doc­tor doc­tor, my DNA is back­wards!” — “AND?!”

I’m addict­ed to Thanks­giv­ing left­overs, but I nev­er reheat them. Just can’t quit cold turkey.

Why was Alexan­der Hamil­ton so bad at the decathlon? Because he wouldn’t throw away his shot.

Why are Russ­ian trans­la­tors in Fin­land always in such a hur­ry? Because they’re Russ­ian to Finnish.

A Euro­pean cou­ple — the woman was Pol­ish, the man from Czechia — failed to turn up after hik­ing in the Alps. A lit­tle while after they went miss­ing, some park rangers found two dead bears, one male, one female, just off the trail. Their bel­lies were dis­tend­ed. They cut open the she-bear to find the remains of the woman. “You Read More …

This guy stayed on a mer­ry-go-round for three days. He set a whirled record.

How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

Did you know that Tes­las don’t have a “new car” smell? They have an Elon Musk.

Know what state has the low­est birth rate? Vir­ginia. How about the state where the com­put­ers have become sen­tient? Delaware.

Dad: knock knock Son: who‘s there? Dad: con­trol freak Dad: this is where you say con­trol freak who

Know what one Japan­ese man said to the oth­er? I don’t know either, I don’t speak Japanese.

What do you call a Viking who only talks about him­self? A Norse-issist.

My new deer cloning busi­ness is now accept­ing appli­ca­tions. It’s for any­one look­ing to make a quick buck.

– Sheep: Okay you’re in charge of keep­ing the flock togeth­er. – Me: What? – Sheep: You herd me.

I have not met a sin­gle per­son who is hap­pi­ly married.

If the USA is so amaz­ing… why would any­one make a USB?

Man bursts into the doctor’s office. all pan­icked: “Doc­tor doc­tor, I’m shrink­ing!” Doc­tor says, “Well sir, you’re just going to have to learn to be a lit­tle patient.”