Flipper Walker

Evo­lu­tion is so strange. Dol­phins start­ed off as sea crea­tures, then evolved to have legs, only to return to the sea even­tu­al­ly and lose them. Kin­da defeets the por­poise, don’t you think?

Dadwaiter

I sat down for din­ner at a restau­rant, and the wait­er asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s spe­cial?” I said, “Yes please.” Wait­er: “No prob­lem, sir. Today is spe­cial.”

Voodon’t

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked: “Do you ever get a shoot­ing pain across your body, like some­one’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stab­bing it?” I replied, “No…” She respond­ed, “How about now?”