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Know why you don’t see ants in church­es? Because they are in sects. more / com­ment…
Black holes are where God divid­ed by zero. (h/t Steven Wright) more / com­ment…
Know where Noah kept his bees? In the ark hives. more / com­ment…
— Why did the chick­en cross the road? — Dun­no… — To get to the fool’s house. Knock, knock. — Who’s there? — Buk buk b’KAWWKK more / com­ment…
— Hey dad, have you seen my sun­glass­es? — No son, have you seen my dad­glass­es? more / com­ment…
Pro tip: to stop Cana­di­an bacon from curl­ing in a fry­ing pan — take away its tiny lit­tle brooms. more / com­ment…
A semi­colon broke the law; he was giv­en two con­sec­u­tive sen­tences. more / com­ment…
Last year it cer­tain­ly wasn’t much fun hav­ing a bro­ken neck. But now I can look back and laugh. more / com­ment…
How do tiny Japan­ese dogs say hel­lo? Konichi­huahua. more / com­ment…
My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train dri­ver I’ve ever seen. How many have you derailed this week?” I said, “Hon­est­ly sir, I don’t know. It’s hard for me to keep track.” more / com­ment…
What do you call a con­vert­ible that shows no mer­cy? Roof­less. more / com­ment…
I can’t stop mak­ing jokes about den­im. It’s in my jeans. more / com­ment…