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I real­ly love my fur­ni­ture. My reclin­er and I go way back. more / comment…
Ever used WD40 to get rid of mice? It doesn’t work, but it does stop them squeak­ing. more / comment…
My ex-girl­friend just told me she wants us to get back togeth­er again. Man, I sure am lucky! I mean, first I win the lot­tery and now this! more / comment…
I keep call­ing my wife Delilah even though her name is Delia. I keep call­ing our lawn “the green, green grass of home.” And worst of all, every time I see a cat, I can’t help but ask, “What’s new, pussy­cat?” It turns out I have Tom Jones Syn­drome. My doc­tor says it’s not unusu­al. more / comment…
Know who Old Mac­Don­ald called on to pro­tect his farm? GI-GI-Joe. more / comment…
We start­ed a band and called it “Books.” So no one can judge us by our cov­ers. more / comment…
Called in blind today. Just couldn’t see myself going to work. more / comment…
Edu­cat­ed peo­ple are hot. They have more degrees. more / comment…
What do you call a woman with a bot­tle open­er in one hand, a knife in the oth­er hand, a pair of scis­sors under her arm, and a corkscrew behind her ear? Swiss Army Wife. more / comment…
What’s a cow­boys favorite car? Audi, part­ner. more / comment…
Did you know that bees are actu­al­ly aller­gic to pollen? They break out in hives. more / comment…
My doc­tor diag­nosed me with a chron­ic toma­to sauce defi­cien­cy. He pre­scribed med­ical mari­nara. more / comment…