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Know what you call someone who can’t stop watching films with a strong female lead? Heroine addict. more / comment…
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? Father-in-law. more / comment…
I didn’t mean to take so much of my anxiety medication. It was Xanax-ident. more / comment…
What do you call bears with no teeth? (Gummy bears.) What do you call bears with no ears? (B.) more / comment…
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs, and everyone is really surprised when I tell them that I’m also a doctor. Nobody expects the spa niche ink physician. more / comment…
I’ve always wanted to tap my neighbors’ maple tree, but he wouldn’t give me permission. Think I could do it syruptitiously? more / comment…
I met my wife at a travel agency. She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort. more / comment…
I refuse to do drugs harder than cocaine. Got to draw the line somewhere. more / comment…
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal… Elon-gate would be really drawn out. more / comment…
Know what you call a komodo dragon who runs a casino? The lizard of odds. more / comment…
I got the words “Jacuzzi” and “Yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia. more / comment…
I jokingly told the X‑ray technician that I don’t believe in X‑rays. But she saw right through me. more / comment…