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I just end­ed a 5 year rela­tion­ship… — OMG are you okay? — I’m fine, it wasn’t my rela­tion­ship. more / comment…
Dig­ging tun­nels deep under­ground, using com­plex machin­ery, sounds fas­ci­nat­ing. But it’s real­ly bor­ing. more / comment…
What do you call a dinosaur in high heels? Myfeetare­saurus. more / comment…
To who­ev­er stole my mir­ror… I hope you reflect on what you’ve done. more / comment…
Why has this Covid sit­u­a­tion been espe­cial­ly stress­ful on the Flat Earth soci­ety? Even though last year they were excit­ed about flat­ten­ing the curve, long-term they fear that social dis­tanc­ing mea­sures could actu­al­ly push peo­ple over the edge. more / comment…
What do bak­ers say when they’ve for­got­ten to put their bread in the oven? D’ough! more / comment…
My wife hates how I always pre­tend we are on walkie-talkies. Wife: Our rela­tion­ship is over. Me: Our rela­tion­ship is what? Over. more / comment…
What do you call a pre­his­toric hip hop artist? Veloci­rap­star. more / comment…
Know how the hack­er escaped the police? He just ran­somware. more / comment…
How do you hide a new video game before Christ­mas? You put the car­tridge in a pear tree. more / comment…
Sci­en­tists have found a dwarf species of axolotl. They’ve named it the axolitl. more / comment…
What do you call a zom­bie who stir-fries? Dead man wok-ing. more / comment…